viernes, 7 de septiembre de 2012

"Being here feels like coming home" - student experience August 2012

Being here feels like coming home, to myself, in a strange kind of a way. It’s what I’ve been looking for for a long time, but in all the wrong places.

It’s an amazing thing to be surrounded by people playing and expressing themselves, because that gives me the permission to express myself too. I have turned my knowledge into wisdom and my ideas about clown are no longer just ideas but a real and tangible
experience that has alchemised me, and I can use as a point of reference.

I've really had to remind myself about the 'we're all in a different moment' thing, at different points in our lives and to not compare myself to other people and put myself down...
All my regrets and things I’ve got hung up about are really just not trusting myself and my clown intelligence, and being scared to show myself.

I think one of my richest learning experiences happened in my giant giant flop, I just wished I'd had that experience sooner so I could put into practice more what I learnt from it! (i.e. in the 1st week rather than the 4th week)

I’m also learning about control and the fact that I can’t control how people view me, how an audience view me, really I can’t even control myself. But I try to... however I’ve realized it’s just too tiring all the time, to be trying to control myself... and so letting go into that is terrifying and also awesome.

Everything I have learnt here feels like a new lens to look at my life through, and I’m excited about the future and how I will integrate everything we have shared together.

I will never have a bored day again! I want to try doing EVERYTHING in as many incorrect ways as possible.

I think the biggest jewels that I take with me right now are the power and validity of innocence, and understanding the upmost importance of personal pleasure. That’s the scariest bit for me, finding my pleasure because I have always been better at creating it or finding it for other people, and forgetting myself...but I’m bored of that now...

Realizing that in innocence there is no guilt!...

Being silly has helped me and given me the courage to knock on my own door and step inside a bit more. Being here has made me realize maybe inhabiting MYSELF could be a fun and interesting place!!!!!!!!!!! I’m interested in being committed to presence and intimacy with myself and life / (the audience)

Thank you all of you from the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing your wisdom, your home, Clara, and all of you for sharing yourselves.


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